


Falling Is Easy

by Crowgirl



Series: Scars Remind Us [28]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, plenty of guilt, self blame, self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-31 13:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowgirl/pseuds/Crowgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ongoing discussion, and ramifications thereof, between Dean and Castiel about the after-effects of Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Is Easy

XXVIII.

It takes the feeling of something cold and sticky on his left hip and hand to convince Dean that he’s really awake.

He can hear Castiel breathing softly behind him and the angel doesn’t move when Dean sits up slowly. 

His head buzzes and his ears ring as though he’s been on an all-night bender and, when he moves to bring his hands into the streak of moonlight so he can see what the hell’s going on, they shake.

He can’t see what’s on his skin but the smell when he brings his palms closer to his nose -- bitter, salt -- tells him.

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck\---_

He wants to bury his head in his hands but he doesn’t dare. He can feel hot spots on his body, on his chest and stomach and he doesn’t want to know what those are either. He turns, cautiously, to see Castiel.

The angel is on his side, half-lying on his stomach, one hand pushed up under his pillow. Even in the moonlight, Dean can see dark marks on his skin, on his collarbone, on his throat. 

_Oh, Christ--_ His stomach rolls and clenches and he grabs his shirt from the pile on the floor and nearly has to run for the bathroom.

* * *

A few minutes of dry heaves are enough to dispel any lingering illusions that this might all be a bad dream and Dean sinks back beside the toilet, closing his eyes, thumping his head against the wall. 

He can remember -- bits. 

Like a really bad nightmare halfway through the next day. 

He runs his hands through his hair, digging his fingers into the back of his neck so hard it hurts and growls at himself.

He had been dreaming -- the whole thing had started with a dream. He can’t remember anything more than the feel of it now: hands on his body, all over his body, and his hands on someone -- or someones. _Oh, fucking fuck..._

There was only one thing that could be -- there was only one thing that had been in the last few weeks.

The bitter taste is back in his mouth and he spits into the toilet and slumps back against the cold wall.

_Just great. Fucking great. An award-winning instance of Dean Winchester's fucking genius._ He slams himself back against the wall, grimly relishing the shock through his muscles and only restraining himself from doing it again by the thought that someone will wake up and hear him. _Have a dream about a demon gangbang, wake up horny, and--Jesus._

He can’t even bring himself to finish the sentence.

He swallows hard, tastes bile again, and nearly gags. He spits the sour mouthful out and leans back against the wall again, closing his eyes. 

He can remember, dimly, Castiel’s body moving against his, the angel’s hands on his body, and he can hear Castiel’s voice, fuzzy. He grimaces and tries to kick his memory into working better.

Maybe the angel had woken up and gone for it with a whoop and a holler -- but he doubts it. 

Those dark marks... He remembers the taste of hot skin against his tongue, the knowledge that if he tensed his jaw just a _fraction_ more, he would have Castiel’s blood in his mouth--

‘...I do not want...’ Castiel’s voice suddenly rings loud in his ears and his stomach rolls again.

_Oh, Jesus -- no, I didn’t -- I couldn’t \--_

But he knows the memory’s right -- knows it with the same gut certainty he feels when he finally figures out what he’s hunting or what’s the right round to use or what kind of knife he needs.

Cas had tried to stop him.

And he hadn’t listened.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from ["Falling," Staind, _The Singles, 1996-2006_.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJEs8gxAX3E)


End file.
